Aaron misses dinner because he didn’t do his chores on time.
ANGRY WORDS: “Of course you’re hungry! I bet you won’t
do that again. I told you you’d be hungry.”
EMPATHETIC WORDS: “I know how that feels, son. I’m
hungry, too, when I miss a meal, but we’ll have a big
breakfast.”Lindsay is tired in the morning because she stayed up too late.
ANGRY WORDS: “I told you you’d be tired if you didn’t go to
bed on time. Now you’re going to suffer all day at school.”
EMPATHETIC WORDS: “Oh, you’re tired, huh? I feel the
same way at work when I don’t get my sleep. But have the best
day you can, under the circumstances.”Colton gets low grades on his report card.
ANGRY WORDS: “You don’t do your homework, and now you
come home with lousy grades. That ought to teach you a
lesson.”
EMPATHETIC WORDS: “Oh, how awful. During my school
years, I got some poor grades when I didn’t apply myself, but
there’s always next semester.”Consequences Don’t Have to Be Immediate
Consequences don’t have to be doled out on the spot to be effective. In
fact, they are often most effective after a child thinks they have gotten
away with inappropriate behavior.
Two grade-schoolers, Colette and Mia, are riding to the shopping
center in the backseat of the family car. After they bicker, punch, and
push, their mom draws the obligatory imaginary line down the middle of
the backseat to keep them out of each other’s hair. Then come the
screams from one or the other: “Mom, Colette’s on my side!” or “Mom,
Mia punched me!”