Mom has had enough of it. The next time they were about to go
shopping, Mom said, “The last time we went to the shopping center, there
was a lot of fighting in the backseat. It invaded my ears and made it so I
couldn’t concentrate on the road. I’ve decided to take a quiet drive to the
stores today. I’ve arranged for a babysitter to stay with you. But don’t
worry about paying her right this minute. You can pay me on Saturday or
we can take it out of your allowance. But you don’t need to decide about
that right away. You can tell me later how you want to handle that.”
Had Mom blown up on the spot at the kids in the backseat, nothing
would have been learned nor would the girls have had much time to think
about their actions. However, by letting some time pass, the kids have
probably let the incident slip from their minds. But as they now sit home
with the babysitter, they have several things to think about: How are we
going to pay for this? How are we going to get Mom to take us with her
next time? How am I going to get along with my sister? and so on. Not
only that, but this imposed consequence is enforceable.
When Hunter comes home late from playing at a neighbor boy’s house,
a suitable consequence would be imposed the next time he asks to go to
the neighbor boy’s house. His mother could say, “Remember how you
were late coming home last time? I’m not up to worrying about that
today, so you may stay home this time and play by yourself or watch
television. We’ll talk about it again the next time you want to go over
there.” The consequence is thus tied in Hunter’s mind to returning on
time from the neighbor boy’s house.
Good consequences don’t always pop right into our brains. Even
professionals in the field can’t always think up immediate consequences.
This is another reason why delaying consequences is often the best thing
to do. It allows us time to consider the best actions as well as get ideas
from others.
If no consequence comes to mind, it is much better to take our time
and think of an appropriate consequence than to blurt something out in
haste or anger. We are no less effective as parents when we take a little
time to think through consequences. Much-needed time for thinking can
lu
(lu)
#1