good care of themselves, even if it means that their demanding and
rebellious offspring may suffer unhappy consequences in the short run.
Using Love and Logic statements as a means of manipulation.
As the old saying goes, “Kids don’t care how much you know until they
know how much you care.” We provide Love and Logic techniques so
that you can win the key power struggles you need to with your kids so
that they learn to be responsible, not so that you can control every aspect
of their lives. In fact, Love and Logic, in truth, is more about gradually
giving up control to your kids over the years, not gaining more. Kids need
to know you are doing this because you love them and want them to grow
into great adults, not because you are constantly on some power or
control trip.
Using Love and Logic techniques in lieu of building relationships with
your children.
As we started researching Love and Logic, we took it for granted that all
parents love their children and want the best for them. We still believe
this is true, even though for some parents this is more difficult to express
than it is for others. Some who must juggle an incredible number of
plates have trouble with this because they just don’t have the time. Still
others never had good models for building relationships in the past and
aren’t sure where to begin with their own kids, so rather than confront the
issue, they flee into hobbies, television, or other forms of avoiding their
children.
One of the primary benefits of using Love and Logic is that it
eliminates many of the factors that traditionally divide children from
their parents — namely, anger, lectures, threats, and warnings. Love and
Logic tools are usable, easy, and fun to use. So it is easy to overuse them.
For instance, it is possible to use the “Uh-Oh” song with a toddler who is
just being age appropriate. Perhaps not a bundle of joy, but not needing to
be excused to his or her room, either. Overuse or misuse of fun-to-use
tools is understandable but not excusable.
For example, a commonly used tool is the “I love you too much to