argue” statement. Foster talked with a Montana mother, and she told him
about a neat little kid who seemed to be more negative and angry after
she frequently used, and turns out overused, “I love you too much to
argue.” Foster asked her what her son was most upset about. She
responded that he frequently said, “Mom, you just don’t listen to me.”
After exploring the situation, Mom realized that she was using “I love
you too much to argue” instead of giving caring responses. She was
repeating “I love you too much to argue” instead of simply getting down
on one knee and saying, with love, “Honey, I’ll discuss this later. I’m in a
hurry right now. Thanks.” More importantly, she realized she really was
using the phrase as a way of short-circuiting listening.
Love and Logic cannot change the child before it changes the parent.
One of the reasons we emphasize over and over again that parents need to
take care of themselves first is that if the adults are stressed, on edge,
angry, or simply not taking care of themselves in a healthy way, Love and
Logic will not work for them. Unless parents who have continually dealt
with their kids in anger in the past deal with defusing that anger first,
they are still likely to fall back into that pattern every time they
consequence their kids.
In Love and Logic, parents lead. If we want our kids to have self-
control, then we must model it in front of them. If we want our kids to be
responsible, then we must model that responsibility in dealing with them.
If we want our kids to treat us and speak to us with respect, in addition to
demanding it by our actions, we must treat and speak to them with
respect. That is the parenting with Love and Logic two-step — first the
parent, then the child.
It’s Never Too Late to Start
Even if our kids are in their teens and have never been exposed to Love
and Logic discipline, they — and we — can benefit from our putting it to
use. The important thing is to build a relationship with our kids that will