So give it up. Ask your children if they’d rather have their door open or
closed, their room light on or off, their night-light on or off, the radio on
softly or off, and so on. Ask your kids if they’d like to hear a bedtime
story first or not. Don’t hold all the cards; cut them in on the action too.
A discussion of the bedtime issue with your child might go like this:
PARENT: “How much sleep do you think you need at night?”
CHILD: “Not very much. I like to be up at night.”
PARENT: “Is that right? I can understand that. But you know, I’m
the type of person who needs eight hours of sleep and about two
hours of ‘alone’ time every night. So that’s ten hours we won’t be
together.”
CHILD: “Uh-huh.”
PARENT: “Would you rather my ‘alone’ time start at 8:00 or at
8:30? Now, when I start my alone time, that means you need to be in
your room. You can read if you want, or you can go to sleep. Which
time would you prefer?”
CHILD: “I don’t know.”
PARENT: “Well, if you don’t know, then I’ll pick a time.”
CHILD: “Okay, 8:30. Can I have my light on?”
PARENT: “Sure.”
CHILD: “Can I play music?”
PARENT: “Yes, as long as I can’t hear it.”
CHILD: “Do I have to be in bed?”
PARENT: “Nope.”
CHILD: “Can I sleep on the floor?”
PARENT: “No problem.”Many of us won’t grant this sort of control for fear of the
consequences. We’re afraid that Brennan — up till 1:00 a.m. rocking with
his radio and sorting his baseball cards — is going to be one obnoxious
little dude in the morning. We’re right, of course, but that doesn’t mean
Brennan has to be an obnoxious dude around us. It’s the obnoxiousness