PEARL 4

Bossiness

Is it any wonder that bossy parents often have bossy kids? Parents who

order their children around like boot-camp recruits end up with kids who
want to be drill sergeants. It makes perfect sense. Little children love to
act big. If they see the big people in their lives bossing, they’ll boss too.
So the first place to look for fault with bossy kids is ourselves. If we
command our kids to jump and expect them to say, “How high?” our kids
will be mirror images of us in their dealings with their playmates.
However, it’s not always the parents who are at fault. Even non-bossy
moms and dads sometimes have bossy kids. Oftentimes these children are
simply addicted to having their own way, and bossing others is one way
to accomplish that goal. Occasionally these control-conscious children
will even turn their demanding mouths on us. That we won’t tolerate. One
way to handle this is to have a good one-liner ready for immediate use.
When the bossy bit happens, our first response is a genuine extended
smile at the child. This unexpected turn of events gives him or her time to
think, to wonder what in the world is going on. Then we say something
like, “Nice try, Alicia. Nice try. What do you think happens in this family
when people get really bossy? Does it help or not? But please don’t
answer that now. Just give it some thought.” Then we walk off.
We deal with bossy children without injecting any emotion into the
atmosphere. We also don’t lay into them with, “Don’t you dare order me
around!” Their behavior is dealt with rationally and forthrightly. When
our children boss other kids around, however, we become counselors.
After all, now it’s their problem, not ours.