but frankly, most of it isn’t over you. We’d be getting a divorce even
if we’d never had children. You know this divorce makes me feel
troubled.”
COURTNEY: “I don’t want you to be upset.”
MOM: “Well, I am, honey. I thought I would be married to your dad
for life. But we’ll make sure you still see him a lot, so you don’t
have to be upset just because I’m upset. You can decide for yourself
how you’re going to feel.”The message divorcing parents should send to their kids is, “This isn’t
going to wreck your life. I know you can handle it. It might be hard, but
we will all be okay.” The kids will have a much easier time if the parents
are positive.
Using Love and Logic Between Two Homes
Unfortunately, when kids have two homes because of divorce, discussions
like the following happen all too often:
JEN: “Dan, how could you let me down like this again? I think you
do these things just to undermine what I’m trying to do with our
daughter! You know exactly why I had to tell her she couldn’t drive
for a month. Nicole took my car without permission and stayed out
all night. I was worried sick! You said you would support me by not
letting her drive, and then you turned around and gave her your extra
car to drive. How are we supposed to make her responsible if you
reverse every decision we make?”
DAN: “Now, Jen, you don’t have to be so upset. I was going to call
you and tell you I think you’re overreacting on this. She’s just a kid,
for Pete’s sake! What she’s doing is just typical teenage stuff. You
need to cut her a little slack. Maybe if you’d lighten up a little,
you’d both be a lot happier.”
JEN: “Wait just a minute, Dan! That kind of behavior might be
typical for some teenagers, but it’s not how all teens act. She’s
crossed way over the line lately, and it’s getting worse all the time.