flunking out of college or meandering about “getting their heads
together.” Such children are unequipped for the challenges of life. Their
significant learning opportunities were stolen from them in the name of
love.
The irony is that helicopter parents are often viewed by others as
model parents. They feel uncomfortable imposing consequences. When
they see their children hurting, they hurt too, so they bail them out.
But the real world does not run on the bail-out principle. Traffic
tickets, overdue bills, irresponsible people, crippling diseases, taxes —
these and other normal events of adult life usually do not disappear
because a loving benefactor bails us out. Helicopter parents fail to
prepare their kids to meet that kind of world.
The Evolution of the Helicopter Parent: The Turbo-Attack Helicopter
Model
At the first writing of this book, the helicopter parents we were used to
meeting were relatively harmless compared to the modern-day version. In
the midst of the prosperity of the 1990s, a new type emerged that no
longer just rescued and defended; instead, they would fly in with guns
blazing and missiles locked in to attack anyone who held their child
accountable for his or her actions. We have come to call them the “jet-
powered turbo-attack mode” of helicopter parents.
These parents are obsessed with the desire to create a perfect world for
their kids. This perfect world is one in which their kids never have to face
struggle, inconvenience, discomfort, or disappointment. It is a life in
which the child can be launched into adulthood with the best of
credentials. They look great on paper with all of their high grades,
extracurricular activities, awards, and special honors. These kids lead a
life where their mistakes are swept under the table. We have often heard
helicopter parents say, “It’s a competitive world out there and I want my
kids to have every advantage. Mistakes they make when they are young
should not hold them back later.”
These parents, in their zeal to protect their young, swoop down like jet-