who’s upset with this. A lot of others are too. But I’m the only one
with the nerve to come talk to you.”All of these tactics are serious mistakes. We may have walked into the
school with a problem, but when we leave, we’ll have a problem and an
enemy. In general, people who are put on the defensive are less inclined
to come up with thoughtful solutions to problems.
Parents who get the best results with teachers are ones who use the
magic word describe. It’s magic because when we use it, we aren’t telling
the teacher anything. We’re describing something: “I’d like to describe
something that’s happening and then give you my interpretation of it.”
When we’ve had our say, we can then use more magic words: “I’d like to
get your thoughts on that.” By saying this, we are telling the teacher we
have confidence that she can think for herself.
Another approach is to ask, “What kind of options are available for
solving a problem like this?” Then sit back and allow the teacher to think
a while. Remember, as well as we think we know our children, we may
not know how they react in a school environment. Frequently, children
are a lot different at school than at home, so the teacher’s interpretation
of the situation is very helpful. A child who is easy to work with one-on-
one may be frustrated and unruly when given one-twenty-fifth of that
attention.
If we get no satisfaction with the teacher and want to kick the problem
up the ladder, we should say, “Would you mind going with me to see if
the principal has any thoughts on this?” That’s a whole lot better than
saying, “If I don’t get my way, I’m going to the principal.”
Our chief mission in approaching a teacher is to discuss our child’s
problem and see if a solution can be reached — to talk as well as listen,
to suggest as well as take suggestions. Communication and respect for
others are much more effective than commands and threats.