Parenting With Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

Wise parents simply let tantrums happen. There’s nothing we can do to
stop them anyway. What we can do, however, is change the location. We
don’t change that it is happening; we change where.
“I give that tantrum a 7.5,” one parent told his howling Hannah. “It’s
not world-class, but it’s pretty good for a local girl. Now, where would
you like to have that tantrum so it won’t disturb my ears?”
“Wa-a-a-a-a!” Hannah screams, pounding her fists on the floor and
kicking at the air.
“It’s up to an 8.2 now. Would you like to have it in the basement or in
your room?”
Hannah shrieks from by the refrigerator, on which she is banging her
head to emphasize her point.
“Oh, this is definitely a basement tantrum, Hannah. Hang on — I’ll
open the door. By the way, do you want the light on or off?”
You get the idea. Give a few choices, and get the kid downwind of you.
Nothing in the parenting almanac says we have to put up with abuse like
that, so we remove the child from our presence. We allow him or her to
return when the hurricane dies down to a light drizzle.
The last thing we want to do is lose our composure, screaming back at
our kids or saying, “You just keep on screaming and I’ll give you
something to really scream about!” Handling temper tantrums requires
parents with soft voices who don’t even try to reason with their
misbehaving child. The message we want to send is, “That behavior is
okay for now as long as I don’t have to see or hear it.”
Some parents are concerned about children hurting themselves while
throwing tantrums. These parents should childproof the room, removing
all dangerous or valuable objects. However, extreme violence rarely will
occur if the audience is removed. If the children do hurt themselves,
however, drive the lesson home with sadness over their injury when the
tantrum is over. (In families in which this is a severe problem,
professional counseling may be advised.)