Leg Three: I Am Capable of Taking Control of My Life
Children with a strong third leg on the three-legged table listen to a little
voice in their head that says, “I am capable of taking control of my life. I
can make decisions, and I am strong enough to live with the good and the
bad consequences of my decisions.” Children who say this have been
allowed to make decisions about the things that affect them directly.
Many parents tell their children they expect them to be responsible for
themselves, yet these same parents are forever informing their kids when
they are hot, cold, hungry, thirsty, or tired, or even when they need to go
to the bathroom. We’ve all heard these messages:
• “Put on your coat. It’s too cold for you to be going out
without it.”
• “You can’t be hungry. We just ate an hour ago.”
• “Sit down and be quiet. You don’t need another drink.”
• “You get to sleep right this minute!”
• “Be sure to use the bathroom before we leave.”Each of these messages tells children they are not capable of thinking
for themselves, that they cannot take control of their life and make
decisions. Interestingly, such messages often come from parents who
moan and groan about their kids’ lack of responsibility and ability to
think for themselves.
LOVE AND LOGIC TIP 7
It Can Be a Cold World Out ThereIt was a frigid Colorado evening, and my (Foster’s) family was
heading out on an errand. Gathered at the door, my wife asked our
six-year-old son, “Andrew, do you want to wear your coat?”
He said, “No, I don’t need my coat.” He was wearing a T-
shirt. Modeling responsible adult behavior, my wife said, ‘‘I’m
sure glad I’m wearing my coat.” Then she put on her coat, and