Parenting With Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

For many parents, setting limits means issuing commands and backing up
those limits with more commands spiced with sternness and anger. They
figure every time they say something to their kids, they’re setting limits,
and the louder their voice gets and the more often they repeat it, the
firmer the limits become. They may get results with their orders, but
they’re setting their kids up for a fight (against them) and doing them a
great disservice at the same time.
You’ve probably noticed that there’s something different in how Love
and Logic parents talk to kids. We’re always asking questions. We’re
always offering choices. We don’t tell our kids what to do, but we put the
burden of decision making on their shoulders. As they grow older, we
don’t tell them what the limits are; we establish limits by offering
choices.

LOVE AND LOGIC TIP 15

Fighting    Words   and Thinking    Words

Another  way     to  think   of  enforceable     statements  is  that    they    are

words   that    make    kids    think   for themselves. Observe the difference

between some    fighting    and thinking    words:^4

Child   says    something   loud    and unkind  to  the parents.

FIGHTING    WORDS:  “Don’t  you talk    to  me  in  that    tone    of

voice!”

THINKING    WORDS:  “You    sound   upset.  I’ll    be  glad    to  listen

when    your    voice   is  as  soft    as  mine    is.”

Child   is  dawdling    with    her homework.

FIGHTING    WORDS:  “You    get to  work    on  your    studying!”

THINKING    WORDS:  “Feel   free    to  join    us  for some    television

when    your    studying    is  done.”

Two kids    are fighting.