consequences, but the results were dramatically different! One of the
girls saw her parents as being mean, but the other saw her parents as just
trying to help her prepare for the real world. When we asked ourselves
what the difference had been, we had to admit we had no idea. We also
realized that if we could find out, it would give us some wonderful
insight to share with parents to make life a lot better for them and their
kids. Over the next few years, we searched and searched and couldn’t find
the answer in books or seminars. We found it by watching the really
effective parents and analyzing what they did and how they did it! Then
we went to psychological research to help explain it. We’ve summed up
our findings in the two rules of Love and Logic we discussed in the
previous chapter, and it all started with using thinking words and
enforceable statements.
LOVE AND LOGIC TIP 16
Eat Nicely Here, or Play on the FloorDinnertime with two-year-old Lukas. Mommy and Daddy are talking
over the day’s events and listening to the little tyke’s new words and
experiences. A cozy scene for family bonding and love, right? That’s
how Mom and Dad see it, but Lukas has different ideas.
First the bread crust is hurled into Dad’s soup, splashing the
Christmas tie. Then the little fists are sledgehammering the
sliced-up wieners on his tray. Next he’s on his feet trying to
climb out the back of the high chair. Then the top is off his
safety cup, and he’s anointing Fido with milk, all of which is
punctuated with intermittent bloodcurdling screams like those
from shoppers at the after-Thanksgiving Day sale at Wal-Mart.
Mom and Dad have a problem. They must convince this child
that such dinner behavior is unacceptable. They must set limits.
They could slap his little hands, grab his little shoulders, and
peer directly into his little eyes while saying, “Lukas, eat nice
or Daddy spanks.” And Lukas would show them just how strong