in a way that will hurt their parents — so subtly that the parents don’t
know they’re being hurt. They’ll make it sting sharply enough so that
those parents will think twice before giving that order again.
Becca was assigned to do the dishes — something she ranked on her
happy-meter right up there with letting dentists drill her teeth. She used
every conceivable trick to get out of it. Sometimes she was able to put it
off past her bedtime. Then, all of a sudden, she became very mature about
her need for the good old eight hours a night: “You’re always telling me I
need my sleep,” she’d say. “I’ll do them in the morning.” Of course,
when morning came, she was running late and had to rush for the bus.
There the dishes sat, still unwashed. Eventually, Mom did them because
they were stinking up the kitchen.
But Mom decided to get tough one night and said to Becca, “I want
those dishes washed now! I’m tired of you wasting all evening in front of
that television while those dishes sit there.”
“Oh, all right,” Becca replied, “I’ll do it.” She walked to the sink and
washed with such enthusiasm and gusto that she “accidentally” dropped
one of Mom’s best glasses. It shattered on the floor. “Oh, I’m sorry,
Mom,” she said when Mom raced into the room. “I was trying so hard. I
wanted to do a good job.” Mom is between a rock and a hard place. How
could Mom punish a girl who was trying so hard?
Becca’s passive-aggressive behavior told her mom an important
message: You’ll think twice before you make me do the dishes again.
Mom might conclude, “What’s the use? It’s easier to do it myself than to
go through all this.”
Passive-Resistive Behavior
When kids react to parental demands with passive-resistive behavior,
they resist without telling the parent they are resisting. The resistance is
in their actions, not their words. For example, when a parent tells a child
to do something, the child responds by claiming he or she forgot the
request or with less-than-instantaneous obedience.
One of Brandon’s teachers ordered, “Get down the hall to your class,