you. We hope you make it. But if not, just catch us at breakfast.” But no,
Natalie couldn’t do that, nor can many of us. When we do it, we don’t
feel as if we’re in control.
Parenting Just Gets More and More Curious
Control is a curious thing. The more we give away, the more we gain.
Parents who attempt to take all the control from their children end up
losing the control they sought to begin with. These parents invite their
children to fight to get control back. In the battle for control, we should
never take any more than we absolutely must have, and we must always
cut our kids in on the action. When we do that, we put them in control on
our terms. We need to set the limits, but then we must give our children
control of how they operate within those limits.
This battle for control begins early in life. From infancy on, children
live a drama of gaining responsibility and control over their own lives.
Little Madeline wants to make decisions; she wants to think for herself.
Giving even the smallest children a certain amount of freedom and
control over their lives instills in them the sense of responsibility and
maturity we want them to have. Independence helps children learn about
the real world as their wisdom grows from the results of their decisions.
However, there is a downside: We can give our kids too much control,
and kids with too much control are not pleasant to be around. In fact, they
don’t even like to be around themselves. They’re brats. These children
need to be controlled; their behavior indicates they’d be happier if they
were controlled. Yet they demand more control with their pouts and
tantrums. Control is power. Having had at least some degree of control
very early in life, they always seek more.
LOVE AND LOGIC TIP 18
You’ll Do What I Tell You to Do