THINKING WORD REQUEST: “I’d appreciate your taking out the
trash before bedtime. Thanks.”
FIGHTING WORD DEMAND: “Don’t you talk to me that way! You
go to your room!”
THINKING WORD REQUEST: “Would you mind taking those
words to your room? Thank you.”
FIGHTING WORD DEMAND: “You come here right now!”
THINKING WORD REQUEST: “Hey, would you mind coming
here? Thank you.”
FIGHTING WORD DEMAND: “Go help your little sister. Do it
now. I mean it!”
THINKING WORD REQUEST: “Would you mind helping your
sister now? I’d appreciate it.”Some readers might consider these “Thinking Word Requests” as
showing no authority at all. In fact, some readers might even say, “What
a wimpy way to talk. How is any authority maintained when you speak so
nicely to kids?” Our answer is, “Don’t be so quick to judge.”
Let’s take one of these examples and follow it through to show how
kids can learn that it is always best to comply when parents ask in a nice
way:
MOM: “Would you mind taking those words to your room? Thank
you.”
SON: “No! I don’t have to.”
MOM: “Did I ask in a nice way?”
SON: “Yeah, so what? I’m not leaving!”
MOM: “Not wise, son. I am learning a lot from this.”Mom walks off and allows her son to temporarily believe he has won
the battle. However, he will learn later about the foolishness of his
decision. The following day he asks his mom to take him across town to
his soccer game and discovers the results of being uncooperative: