SON: “Mom, will you take me to my game? Mrs. Howarth can’t
drive today.”
MOM: “I don’t know. Did you ask in a nice way?”
SON: “Sure. What’s this all about?”
MOM: “Yesterday I learned from you that asking in a nice way
doesn’t get the job done. Remember that little episode when I asked,
in a nice way, for you to go to your room? What did you teach me at
that time?”
SON: “I don’t know.”
MOM: “You taught me that asking in a nice way doesn’t mean all
that much. I’d appreciate your giving that some thought. And some
day when I feel better about your level of cooperation, I’ll be glad to
help out.”This brave mom did this expecting her son to start begging,
complaining, grumbling, and laying on guilt, which of course he did! You
probably wonder, Did she give in and drive him to his game after hearing
his begging and complaining? Did she ask, “Now, have you learned your
lesson?” Absolutely not! His angry behavior proved to her that she
needed to provide this important lesson for her son. Think about this. Do
kids learn best from hearing about consequences, or do they learn best
from experiencing them?
The Bad Boy in Burger King:
A Case Study on Winning a Control Battle
How, then, do we take control of a situation when our children are
determined to battle us every step of the way? The following story sheds
light on waging a winnable war with kids.
Six-year-old Aidan was a master at goading his folks into unwinnable
control battles. Picture him seated in a fast-food restaurant booth with
Mom and Dad. They are all slurping up the last of their soft drinks and