put Aidan in control on their terms. But how?
Two Ways to Leave with Me: Hungry or Not Hungry
Love and Logic parents would say, with a smile on their face, “No
problem, Aidan. My car will be leaving in five minutes. There are two
ways to leave with me: hungry is one way; not hungry is the other.” That
gives the parents as much control as they need. They don’t need to
control whether the burger goes down the child’s throat — in fact, they
can’t control that. But the parents can control when the car leaves.
By offering Aidan the choices, the struggle is transferred inside
Aidan’s head. Aidan’s too busy to argue — he’s weighing his choices,
Hungry ... not hungry ... hungry ... not hungry — and Mom and Dad have
five minutes of welcome tranquility. They gain control by relinquishing
control. However, many parents, after issuing the alternatives, would be
tempted to harp and nag while the child is making up his mind. They
might say things like, “Don’t forget, my car is leaving in three minutes. If
you don’t eat that food, you’re going to be hungry. You’ll wake up in the
middle of the night, and there won’t be anything to eat. It’s going to be a
miserable night.” These sorts of reminders are put-downs. Cut the kid
some slack. Aidan’s smart enough to remember the choices he’s been
given.
Let Your Kids Know That Handling Them Is No Sweat for You
The old saying “Never let them see you sweat” applies here as well as in
most Love and Logic encounters. Kids will take advantage of parents who
give the impression that controlling them is difficult or that they have the
power to aggravate their parents. Such frustration sends the covert
message to the child that “I am difficult to handle. I must be a problem to
my parents,” whereas handling them easily with choices sends the
message, “Dealing with me is no sweat for my parents — in fact, they
seem to enjoy it! I must be a pretty good kid since I am no problem for
them at all.”
Human beings crave emotion. In fact, most folks believe God wants
His people to love Him, so maybe even He craves emotion. People will