1-2-3 Magic: 3-Step Discipline for Calm, Effective, and Happy Parenting

How are you going to handle the situation? Sibling rivalry will never
go away completely, but here are a few simple rules to follow:

• Guideline 1: Count both kids. When the children are fighting,
  you should count both kids most of the time, unless one is the
  obvious, unprovoked aggressor. Usually they both helped
  produce the conflict. Be careful—kids are tricky! Some
  provoke in subtle ways and others in more overt ways, so it is
  often hard to tell who started a fight—even if you are right
  there watching.

Caution

Never ask the world’s two most ridiculous questions, “Who started it?” and “What

happened?” unless you think someone is physically injured. Do you expect your

kids to come up with George Washington’s version of “I cannot tell a lie”?

For example, maybe you’re driving the car with the kids in the
back and you hear, “Mom, he’s looking at me again!” Who started
that one? There’s really no way to tell. In that case, you should count
both children.

• Guideline 2: Never ask the world’s two most ridiculous
  questions. Every parent knows what these questions are: “What
  happened?” and “Who started it?” What do you expect to hear,
  a version of George Washington’s “I cannot tell a lie”? “Yes, I