1-2-3 Magic: 3-Step Discipline for Calm, Effective, and Happy Parenting

(Marcin) #1

As mentioned earlier, one of the most frequent mistakes parents make
with the 1-2-3 program is attempting to use counting to get a child to
do Start behavior like homework, chores, or getting up and out in the
morning. Recall that these tasks can take twenty minutes or more,
while counting itself only produces several seconds’ worth of
motivation.
What if the Start behavior itself only required a few seconds’
worth of cooperation? You want your daughter to hang up her coat,
feed the cat, or come into the room. Counting, which is so useful for
Stop behavior, can be used for some Start behavior, but only on one
condition: what you want the child to do cannot take more than about
two minutes. For example, your child throws her coat on the floor
after school, and you ask her to pick it up. She doesn’t, and you say,
“That’s 1.” If she still refuses to comply and gets timed out, she goes
and serves the time. When she comes out, you say, “Would you please
hang up your coat?” If there is still no cooperation, another time-out
would follow.
What if this girl, for some unknown reason, is in a totally ornery
mood today and never seems to get the idea? With Start behavior
tactics you have more flexibility. Switch from counting to the
docking system and the kitchen timer. Set the timer for five minutes
and tell your daughter she has that time to hang up the coat. If she
does pick it up, fine. You promise you’ll not say another word.


If she doesn’t hang the thing up, however, you have good news and
bad news. You’ll hang up the coat for her, but you will charge for

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