The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically I

98 The Explosive Child

This next part is absolutely crucial. There are three
steps for doing Plan B:

1. Empathy (plus Reassurance)


2. Define the problem


3. Invitation

If you do the above three steps in the prescribed or-
der, you’re doing Plan B. If you don’t do the above three
steps in the prescribed order, you’re not doing Plan B. So
we’d better take a closer look at these three steps.

Empathy

Empathy is the first step of Plan B for a few reasons. First,
empathy keeps people calm, so it’s a good way to help
your child stay rational enough to actually converse with
you. If you don’t keep him calm, then the problem caus-
ing him frustration won’t get solved because the conver-
sation won’t take place.
Empathy also ensures that your child’s concern is on
the table. Just like adults, kids have legitimate concerns:
hunger, fatigue, fears, a desire to buy or do certain things,
a desire to be less hot or less cold, and so forth. Sadly,
most kids are accustomed to having their concerns blown
off the table by adults who have concerns of their own.