Plan B 99It’s not exactly clear why you’d want to blow any child’s
concern off the table, but it should be crystal clear why
you wouldn’t want to do it with an explosive child. You
don’t lose any authority by empathizing. But you do keep
him calm and enter his concern into consideration.
How do you empathize? Basically, by repeating the
child’s concern back to him, sticking closely to his exact
words. Some call this reflective listening. Let’s practice.
Child: The medicine is making me sick to my
stomach.
Adult (Empathy): The medicine is making you sick to
your stomach.Child: I’m worried that the movie will be too scary.
Adult (Empathy): You’re worried that the movie will
be too scary.Child: I’m too tired to do my homework.
Adult (Empathy): You’re too tired to do your
homework.Sounds pretty straightforward, yes? Actually, it turns
out that, for a lot of adults, empathizing isn’t nearly as
easy as it seems. And empathy is made more difficult by
the fact that children are seldom highly specific about
their concerns. In fact, children (like adults) are more