Plan B 119nation of those two options brings you no closer to col-
laboratively and durably solving problems with your
child.
Finally, some people think Plan B is supposed to work
like magic. Plan B isn’t magic. It’s the hard work of two
people (you and your child) putting their respective con-
cerns on the table and putting their heads together to
solve a problem that has been causing explosions and ill
will for a very long time. Some problems require more
than one conversation. Sometimes things get hot enough
with Plan B to necessitate that the participants take a
break from the action (“I think we’re starting to get up-
set at each other, and that wasn’t the goal of having this
discussion. Maybe we should stop talking for a while and
come back to it later”). And sometimes the first Plan B
solution doesn’t get the job done. That’s not the signal to
abandon ship. That’s just a sign that the solution you
both thought would accomplish the mission didn’t ac-
complish the mission (a fairly common scenario in the
human experience!). Most durable solutions are the by-
product of previous solutions that didn’t quite get the
job done.
Now, in the beginning of this chapter you were as-
signed the task of making a list of the problems that are
routinely causing your child to become frustrated. This is
your list of “problems that have yet to be solved.” Now
comes your next assignment. Pick one or two of these prob-