The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically I

Learning Curves 149

Clark: What if I forget to hold your hand?

Parent: I’ll try to remind you before we get there.

Clark: What if you forget not to scream at me?

Parent: I’m going to try very hard not to. If I slip, can

you remind me?

Clark: Yup.

Parent: This plan work for you?

Clark: Yup.

Parent: It works for me, too. Thanks for solving the

problem with me, buddy.

Of course, when parents say “safety issues,” they’re fre-
quently referring to what their child is doing in the midst
of an explosion (hitting, throwing things, etc.). But since
most explosions are precipitated by an adult doing Plan A,
there’s a simple antidote: Don’t do Plan A in the first place.

A mother was ver y upset that her son had punched her as
they argued over whether he could eat five chocolate chip
cookies. She was understandably ver y upset over having been
hit. Her stor y suggested that there was work to be done on
achieving safety. But her stor y also suggested that the mother
had more work to do on her decision-making about the Plans.
“Hitting is Plan A, right?” the mother asked.
“How do you mean?” the therapist asked.
“If he hits me, then it’s time for Plan A, right?” she asked.