Learning Curves 153“Alycia was ver y upset that we’re going to have to
change our plans for her birthday,” she replied.
“That must have been ver y upsetting to her. But why all
the screaming?” the therapist asked.
“Because it was foggy out, and I’m not the best at driving
at night to begin with, and I’ve got a frustrated daughter sob-
bing in the backseat telling me I don’t love her,” she replied.
“What did you do?” the therapist asked
“I screamed at her,” said the mother. “And now I’m sitting
here really mad at myself for doing it. I guess I get a little
worked up when she gets worked up.”
“What was your goal when she started getting upset?”
the therapist asked.
“I have no idea,” replied the mother. “I just wanted to get
past the problem, be done with it.”
“That’s an interesting goal,” the therapist said. “Because
you have a daughter who’s not ver y good at just getting past
problems and being done with them.”
“ That’s for sure,” the mother agreed. “So what should
my goal be?”
“I think one important goal is to think about whether the
ideal time and place to have a discussion that’s going to be
frustrating to Alycia is in the car at night when it’s foggy. In
other words, whether it’s at all likely a productive discussion
could take place under those conditions. If you decide that
scenario probably wouldn’t set the stage for the discussion
you need to have with her, you could tr y to delay the discus-