158 The Explosive ChildFor how long should I do Plan B? How much progress
should I expect from my child, and how fast?For how long should you do Plan B? Well, let’s think
about what you’re doing. You’re solving problems collabora-
tively with your child so you guys don’t fight about those
problems anymore. You’re communicating with your child.
You’re improving your relationship. You’re letting him
know that you’re not the only one with good ideas about
how to solve problems, that he has good ideas, too. You’re
teaching him that his concerns are valid. Now why would
you want to stop doing all that, even if he’s not exploding
anymore?
A lot of parents begin to use the approach described in
this book thinking that eventually they’ll be able to get
back to Plan A again. In reality, as parents and children get
better at Plan B and as their relationship improves, the im-
portance of Plan A actually diminishes. Over time most
parents don’t miss Plan A, and they definitely don’t long for
the “good old days.”
Children and parents vary widely in terms of how
quickly they respond to this approach. The first goal is to
take the fuel out of the fire as quickly as possible by dra-
matically decreasing the use of Plan A and dramatically in-
creasing the use of Plans B and C. This shift in the way
parents respond to and communicate with their child
should correspond with a decrease in the frequency, dura-