The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically I

Teach Your Children Well 179

skills, you’ve got more work to do. Let’s take ’em one at a

time.

Identifying and Articulating Concerns

When you’re trying to get your child’s concerns on the
table and you ask him “What’s up?” there’s a pretty good
chance his response will be “I don’t know.” Does that mean
Plan B is done for? No, but it does mean you have a skill to
teach. Some kids truly don’t know what their concern is;
others don’t have the language skills to articulate their con-
cern. Luckily, because explosions are highly predictable—
once again, your child is often exploding over many of the
same problems or frustrations—we can probably take very
educated guesses as to what your child is frustrated about.
Here’s what a Proactive Plan B discussion would
sound like if you were trying to help your child identify
his concern:

Parent (Empathy): I’ve noticed you don’t want to

take your medicine anymore.

Child: Right.

Parent: What’s up?

Child: I don’t know.

Parent: You don’t know why you don’t want to take

your medicine anymore?