The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically I

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182 The Explosive Child

Child: No.
Parent: I have an idea. Would you like to hear it?
Child: OK.
Parent: How about “The label’s bothering me”?
Child: Uhm...OK.
Parent: Do you think you might be able to say that
when the label’s bothering you instead of some
of the things you usually say?
Child: I think so.
Parent: If you forget, how about I remind you?

Incidentally, by merely raising the issue, you’ve let the
child know that you don’t think his choice of words is
appropriate (of course, he probably knew that already).
Naturally, your child’s new vocabulary won’t be in-
grained in one day. He’ll almost certainly need some in-
the-moment reminders:


Child: I hate this shirt! It sucks!
Parent: Uh-oh... looks like the label is bugging you.

Note that the parent isn’t reminding by saying “Don’t
forget what we agreed on yesterday” or “You can’t talk to
me that way,” because these aren’t specific enough re-
minders of the new vocabulary.
Of course, “The label is bothering me” is a highly spe-
cific phrase. It applies only to situations in which labels

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