192 The Explosive Childimmediate apology. He went ballistic for the next
half hour.
Therapist: It sounds extremely unpleasant. You
mentioned that you wished you’d handled things
differently?
Mother: First off, I shouldn’t have been doing Plan A
on the pancakes—I could have helped him find
something else to eat.
Therapist: True. You could have done that with Plan B
or C. Anything else?
Mother: I guess I shouldn’t get so upset when he
swears at me.
Therapist: It’s very hard not to get upset when your
son calls you a name. But you’ve been punishing
him for calling you names for a very long time,
and he still calls you a name every time he gets
frustrated. So I don’t think he needs any more
lessons on the importance of not swearing or any
more motivation not to swear. At the moment, it
seems pretty clear that Derrick isn’t very good at
expressing his frustration without swearing. So he
needs your help.
Mother: So what should I have said?
Therapist: Did you have a concern to put on the
table? Besides the swearing, I mean.
Mother: Uhm...well, I wasn’t dying to make him
something else... you know, we were in a bit of