Teach Your Children Well 193a rush. But it’s not like he would have wanted me
to make him an omelet! No, I guess I really didn’t
have a concern.
Therapist: Then you’d have handled it with Plan C, in
which case you could have said, “I think what
you’re saying is that you’d like something else to
eat besides pancakes. What would you like?”
Mother: So I blew it, right?
Therapist: No, you didn’t blow it... this is really hard.
Your understandable knee-jerk instinct is to
punish your kid when he swears at you, and I’m
asking you to do something different because
punishing him isn’t working. It’s hard to do.
Mother: Yes, it is. How will he learn that swearing’s
not OK?
Therapist: First of all, I think he knows swearing’s not
OK. He swears under only one condition: when
he’s frustrated. If he thought swearing was OK,
he’d be swearing at other times, too. But even if
he did think swearing was OK, you’re still letting
him know it’s not by giving him different words to
use. I think it’s worth pointing out that Derrick did
something very adaptive in the incident you
described.
Mother: He did? What?
Therapist: Instead of going toe-to-toe with you in the
kitchen, he detached himself from the situation. In