208 The Explosive Childchild, or being more nurturing toward another. In your
family, you’re doing things a little differently for the
child who has deficits in the areas of flexibility and frus-
tration tolerance, but you’re also doing things differently
for the other children, who have challenges of their own.
So when siblings are complaining over disparities in
parental expectations, it’s an excellent opportunity to do
some empathizing and educating.
Sister: How come you don’t get mad at Danny when
he swears at you? It’s not fair!
Mother: I know that it’s very hard for you to listen to
him swearing. I don’t like it very much, either. But
in our family we try to help one another and
make sure everyone gets what he or she needs.
I’m trying to help Danny stay calm when he gets
frustrated and to help him think of different words
he could use instead of swearing. That’s what he
needs help with.
Sister: But swearing is bad. You should get mad at
him when he swears.
Mother: Well, I don’t get mad at you when I’m
helping you with your math, right? That’s because
I don’t think getting mad at you would help very
much. Remember how I used to get mad at
Danny whenever he swore? It didn’t work very
well, did it? It just made things worse. So I’m doing