210 The Explosive Childyour role as helper. Eventually the goal is for the kids to
work out their difficulties without your assistance
(which may be occurring some of the time already).
Be forewarned that, in some instances, the behavior of
seemingly angelic siblings begins to deteriorate just as
the behavior of their explosive brother or sister begins to
improve. This is often a sign that the emotional needs of
the siblings require closer examination. In some cases,
therapy may be necessary for brothers and sisters who
have been traumatized by their explosive sibling or who
may be manifesting other problems that can be traced
back to the old family atmosphere.
If you feel that your family needs help working on
these issues, a skilled family therapist can be of great as-
sistance. You may also wish to read an excellent book, Sib-
lings Without Rivalr y by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.
COMMUNICATION PATTERNSA family therapist can also help when it comes to making
some fundamental changes in how you communicate with
your child. Dealing effectively with an explosive child is
easier (not easy, easier) when patterns of communication
between parents and child are adaptive. When these pat-
terns are maladaptive, dealing effectively with such a child
is much harder. As you might imagine, some of these pat-