260 The Explosive Childof each student and a framework for trying to meet
those needs within the context of the larger group.
In one first-grade classroom, a visitor was observing
one day and noticed one child (it turns out he was the
explosive one) helping another student with her math (it
turns out the helper was quite skilled in math and the
helpee was not). Several minutes later, when it was time
to switch activities (from math to music), the math whiz
became stuck. The girl he’d been helping with math
calmed him down, talked to him, and helped him move
on to music (turns out she was very good at dealing with
frustration), all within eyeshot of the teacher. Then the
girl, apparently recognizing that the visitor might not
have comprehended what was going on, came over and
softly explained, “He just gets a little frustrated some-
times.” A lot of teachers who wish they could be helpful
to the explosive student in their classroom—but feel
they don’t have sufficient time to devote to him—simply
need to be made aware of the help available from the
most probable and willing candidates—the other kids.
Teacher: “I can’t have different sets of rules for different
kids. If I let one child get out of or get away with something,
my other students will want to as well.”
First of all, you probably have different expectations
for different children already, so in classrooms, as in fam-
ilies, fair does not mean equal anyway. That’s why some
students are receiving special reading help while others