up off the potty, because it helps keep their interest, which keeps
them seated. It’s also great for the kid who’s having trouble releasing
pee or poop. This is the kid who sits on the potty but can’t seem to let
the pee go; then she pops up and pees on the floor. This kid is not
screwing with you, even though it looks like it—she just needs to sit
longer and allow for the release. The Calm Jar will help her relax and
let the pee start flowing.
Fear of the potty: You’ve been casual and relaxed. You know you are
not putting any pressure on your child. Still, your kid seems afraid of
the potty. First of all, do not invalidate her feelings. Just like fear of
the dark, the monster under the bed, or the vacuum, this is a real fear
(however illogical it might be). We don’t want to feed into it, but we
don’t want to invalidate it. Never ask your child if she is afraid of the
potty. You will get a “yes,” and there’s nowhere to go from there.
Instead, tell her something along the lines of, “Honey, I know this
can feel weird. I know it’s brand-new. Look at the potty. See? It’s just
plastic.” Let her practice pouring some water into it and dumping it
into the big toilet. Practice with some toys or dolls, having her “help”
them use the potty. I’ve even had moms sit right on the darn thing
and pee to show it’s not gonna bite (very bendy moms, I should add).
You can even have her sit on it (when she doesn’t need to go pee) for
practice. Again, don’t feed into the fear but do acknowledge it.
Acknowledgment goes a long way with kids. This is one of those
times to use an “and” sentence construct: “Yes, I know it feels strange
and that’s where your pee goes.” Yes and yes.
Also, check out my musings on this subject in chapter 10, “Poop.”