so they hold the power.
If we look at a power struggle as a tug-of-war, the absolute best way
out of one is to let go of your end of the rope. This does not mean you
cave in to what your child wants; it means you let go of your need to
control the situation. Most often with toddlers, power struggles arise
out of a desire to “do it myself.” This is true of potty training as well.
Whenever you find yourself engaged in a potty training power
struggle, the way you “let go of your end of the rope” is to allow your
child to make using the potty his idea. For instance, you could use
one of those “throwaway prompts” I have talked about in previous
chapters. Prompt and back off. You do not want to hammer home
your point or keep repeating the same thing again and again. It won’t
work and things will escalate.
Too Much Talking
Yes. Talking to your child is good. And yes, telling your child what
you are doing as you are doing it is good. But like all things, talking is
good in moderation. There’s a current parenting trend that seems to
favor a little too much talking. Some parents want to explain every
little thing, giving a minidissertation about everything that happens.
Some of this, I think, comes from us trying too hard to teach
“actively.” Also, some of it—particularly when it comes to potty
training—is to mask our own fear.
Here’s the thing: as long as you are talking, you are not listening.
Also, as long as you are talking, you are not letting your child talk to
himself. Self-talk is crucial to language and thought development.