midwife, explains how the cervix needs to be open to effectively give
birth. She also notes that it can slam shut:
Even when the voluntary muscles get tired, the sphincters don’t get tired. Those are
connected to the organs that fill up with something; the bladder, uterus, intestines.
They expand and contract, and when they yawn open, whatever is inside comes out,
and then they close again. But, they work better in privacy; they’re shy, and this is
true of humans and most animals. We seek privacy to allow our sphincters to do their
jobs, jobs that at the most basic level, have to do with hormone levels in the body.
For example, oxytocin levels in blood rise when something big comes out (whether
it’s a baby or a bowel movement). Laughter is one thing that can help open the
sphincters. I ask women to laugh when they’re having a baby because it helps the
process along; it also adds to oxytocin and endorphin levels. But on the converse, if
someone is afraid or feels violated, for example, the sphincter can slam shut.Now, she has been known to illustrate this point in her birth
classes. She puts a big silver bowl in the middle of the room, with a
hundred-dollar bill in it. Anyone who can poop in the big silver bowl
can have the hundred dollars. So far, no one’s been able to.
So, here we are potty training and the potty chair is pretty much
in the middle of the room—even if only metaphorically speaking—
right? The spotlight is on the potty chair. The spotlight is on the
child and the poop. We’re expecting the child to poop in the silver
bowl . . . and it doesn’t always work that way. The tricky part is that
you can’t give your child complete privacy when they are learning
something. They can’t be left alone because they most likely need
your help in recognizing the feeling of needing to poop and
manipulating the actual getting to and on the potty chair.
I generally find parents are not tolerant of any stalling on the
child’s part, when it comes to poop. The parents have decided to
potty train and expect everything to just flow the way it did in the