Oh Crap! Potty Training

Consider whether your child has had any sort of rectal pain before.
I’ve worked with all kinds of kids who’ve had all kinds of butt trauma.
Some kids have constipation from an early age. Some kids have
needed surgery on their genitals or anus. Some kids have had blood in
their stools. If your child has had any kind of rectal pain or butt
trauma, naturally we want to take potty training slow and easy.
Always start potty training with some sort of stool softener. You
absolutely want the first potty training poops to be easy ones. Always
validate to your child that you know he has had a hard time in the
past. Try not to ever use the word hurt. Once a child associates that
word with the potty and starts using it, it’s very hard to ascertain if he
is truly in pain or just doesn’t want to go. The word hurt is the
quickest way to get straight to your heart. Instead, I use phrases like,
“had a hard time,” “it’s been uncomfortable,” etc. We don’t want to
add any emotional charge to this process.
For kids with trauma, you can’t convince them that it’s going to be
easy. They know it has hurt in the past, and that’s all they know. This
is when a little Mommy Magic can go a long way. Much as the
placebo effect of your kiss heals most wounds, we can use your
Mommy Magic here for poop. You can give the stool softener in juice
(this works well with prune juice) and call it Magic Poop Juice. You
can cast a “magic spell” around the potty chair or with a wand on
your child’s head. “My poop slides out, I flush it down. I’m the
smartest girl in town” or something similar. If your child will let you,
you can put some Vaseline or coconut or olive oil around her anus.
Call it Magic Poop Lotion. Any other “magic” you think will
resonate with your child is worth a try to smooth this process.
These suggestions may sound utterly ridiculous to you, but I assure