Oh Crap! Potty Training

should look something like this:
Drop him off at day care, go to the bathroom for a pee, put the
diaper on him while in the bathroom. Tell him, “This is in case
there’s an accident. You should tug on Miss Suzy’s arm when you have
to go pee, or you can come by yourself” (if that’s true). Say no more
and no less. You’re not letting him off the hook of potty training,
you’re not suggesting he just use the diaper to pee in. You are being
vague on purpose. You are assuming he will use the diaper as
underpants. It’s a hard way to potty train, but it’s doable.
Same deal for pick up. Go to the bathroom for a last pee before
the car ride home. Take off the diaper and leave it there (in the
proper receptacle, of course). Tell him, “We’re going home now, and
you don’t use diapers at home. Remember to tell me when your are
going to go pee.”
What this does is to reinforce the notion that diapers are equated
with day care. It’s a day care thing and, oddly, this generally makes
sense to the child. If the day care is okay with changing diapers, so be
it.
Having to do diapers at day care is not preferable, and it can make
potty training drag out a bit, but not indefinitely. Still, having a
stress-free environment (rather than fighting with day care) is going
to make this so much easier for all of you.
I have also found that a little passive-aggressive behavior on your
part never hurts. You can say something along the lines of, “Well,
she’s doing great at home, but it’s okay to wear a diaper here since
you don’t really handle potty training. I don’t want you to be
nervous.” So yeah, act nice and slide the dig in. I understand if that’s