Oh Crap! Potty Training

child down and strapped them into the car seat. Even when they are
kicking, screaming, and hitting. We do it because we must go
somewhere and we need them to be safe. Has your child ever been
traumatized by that and never wanted to sit in the car seat again? I’m
guessing no. Again, I’m not saying you should force your child onto
the potty or strap him down, or anything remotely like that. I’m just
pointing out that this fear of traumatizing a child by conveying the
message that you mean business has gotten a little bit out of control.
Another thing to keep in mind is the difference between “the
child you have” and “the child you want.” You have the kid you have,
not necessarily the kid you want. This is especially true when potty
training.
I can give you suggestions about any special circumstances you
may have, but we cannot change your zebra’s stripes. Still, this is hard
for us to admit and hard to remember. We all want the well-behaved,
loving, courteous child. We got what we got. Still, our love is fierce.
While you are potty training, be careful not to linger in the land of “I
wish he . . .” We can deal with what we have, but we cannot deal with
a fantasy. Your kid comes with all his own crazy, his own stuff, his
own DNA.
There’s another aspect to “the kid you have.” If your child has a
particular “problem”—say he’s whiny, or she’s resistant or prone to
histrionics and tantrums—you are going to have this same kid when
you are potty training. No judgment; there is no behavior I have not
seen. Still, I see parents who somehow think potty training is going
to happen in a bubble—that all the other behavior the child exhibits
is somehow not going to appear while potty training. This is a big