Oh Crap! Potty Training

with behavior but don’t do anything because they are terrified of
“traumatizing” the child. Having boundaries and following through is
not going to traumatize your child in any sense.
When you have a kid who you know is playing you, the absolute
best thing to do is give a small, immediate, appropriate consequence.
For instance, take away the toy he was playing with when he wet his
pants, or take him out of the activity in which he was engaged. Time-
outs are usually not effective for “accidents,” nor are longer-term
things like saying he can’t go to swim or dance class. If he has an
accident in the morning, it doesn’t work to threaten to take away
dessert after dinner. Toddlers just don’t have that extended a thought
process. This is why sticker charts are useless. Toddlers don’t have the
thought process to say, “Wow. I have six stickers; one more and I’ll
have a week of staying dry!”
The small, immediate consequence is also helpful when you aren’t
sure whether he needs more learning or is exhibiting behavior. I
think I’ve made it clear that pride and self-mastery should be the
motivation behind potty training. However, for some children that
never clicks in, and they need some external motivation to nudge
things along. Some parents react along the lines of, “But I’ll feel
terrible if I give him a consequence and he needs more learning.”
Taking away a small toy as a consequence is not going to scar your
child for life. And it’s really the fastest way to get an answer. If your
child can’t use the potty knowing that his Thomas the Tank Engine
will get put on the fridge for an hour if he doesn’t, you can bet your
butt he needs more learning. And he won’t be scarred. If you child
can do it, then you know the accidents are due to behavior. I’m