testing, and his favorite word will likely be “No.”
A lot of the philosophy out there suggests that there can be
nothing negative around the potty. Much as in the “milk on the
floor” cause-and-effect example, you do have to tell your child what
your positive expectation is and what the negative expectation is.
This does not have to sound mean, but you do need to mean business.
At some point your child must learn that peeing just anywhere is a
“don’t.” What I find is a lot of parents emphasize the positive end of
things (“only pee in the potty”), but they leave out the other part of
the equation (“don’t pee anywhere else”). So, yes, you definitely want
to stress the positive, but make sure you are being clear about what
you don’t want as well.
The Idea That Your Child Will Just Potty Train Himself
Once in a while a child will decide to potty himself. Usually this is
not the case, however, which makes sense if you think about it. And
that’s probably why you are here. Peeing and pooping are primal
behaviors, right? You don’t have to teach a kid how to pee or poop.
Putting it in a container of some sort is a socialized behavior.
Socialized behavior must be taught. If I want something you are
holding, the most effective way to get it is to slap it out of your hand.
That is primal. The socialized way of getting it is to ask or negotiate.
That is what must be taught.
How do we teach that? When our children use the primal instinct
to slap something out of someone’s hand, we look them in the eyes,
we say in a pretty stern voice, “No hitting. You ask.” We probably