Oh Crap! Potty Training

progression works.
So that’s your first task. Take it back to the beginning. While you
might not have an “ah-ha!” moment, it may become very clear that
you were overprompting and not handing it over to him enough or
something similar. The biggest problems I see in kids over three are
behavior issues. My party line is that most kids start to hit
individuation around this time. This is the psychological process by
which your child starts to separate from you. This age is marked by
pushing against you and limit testing. It’s good and normal, but when
you add pee and poop to this, you’ve set yourself up for the
granddaddy of all power struggles. As I’m sure you know. I’m not
saying that to rub your nose in it—it’s just good to know what you are
up against.
The best way to end a power struggle is to let go of your end of the
rope. All right, Jamie, so how the eff do I do that?
You give this (responsibility for the learning) to them. You don’t
argue. You don’t cajole. You don’t beg or negotiate. And you never,
ever let them smell your fear.
You begin that first day with, “We have not done a good job with
potty training, so I’m going to help you learn it the right way. You’re
going to help by letting me know when you have to pee or by going
yourself. There’s the little potty or the big toilet. You can choose.”
Most kids are really waiting for you to show up with the consistency.
I’m not saying that’s always the case, but often it is. So here you are,
waiting for them, and all this time, they’ve been waiting on you. I
know . . . f**k. It’s okay, though.
If, during that day, you are met with resistance, you continue to
back off. For instance, use that throwaway prompt “You have to pee,