her child’s learning curve was slow. She admitted—in a very vulnerable way, which
I truly admire—that she was embarrassed. She wanted to be the first of her friends
to potty train, and it wasn’t going well for her. That wasn’t the only reason the
process fell apart, but it put a pretty powerful crack in it. Don’t potty train right
now because you want an all-star. Without fail, you won’t have one. Don’t do this
to prove anyone wrong.
What is a good reason to potty train your child? Well, to give him self-esteem
and self-pride in mastering of a skill. My favorite kind of thank you—and I hear it
often—goes something like this: “I just LOVE the look on my daughter’s face. She
is SO proud of herself.” I say it over and over: you don’t hand your child self-
esteem. She develops it by mastering tasks. That is a great motivator!
- What do all your friends and immediate family think of you potty training? This is
huge. If every day is a battle for you—all the people in your close circle are
jamming down your throat that your kid is too young—you are going to have
massive doubts. Potty train anyway, but be sure you get your head on tight
beforehand and keep it there during the process. Perhaps don’t hang out with any
friends for a week.
I cannot tell you how much a doubting circle of friends and family damages your
resolve. I originally tried to potty train Pascal at eighteen months, because I know
it’s absolutely possible to do at that age. I’m a single mom, and at that time, I
owned a store, and knew his day care wasn’t on board with my plans. I knew within
the first four hours of our first day of potty training that it wasn’t “clicking” easily for
him. I realized potty training him at that time was still possible, but that it would
take longer than a couple of days. I abandoned ship and he did just fine at twenty-
two months. The only reason I’m telling you this story is because my circle of
“friends” at this time couldn’t wait to gloat. I’m serious! “See, told you so.” I phased
them out of my life in short order. Screw that. For real. You should be able to potty
train your child without everyone coming down on you. “If only I could potty train
on a deserted island for two weeks, I’d be fine” is a sentiment I hear often from
clients. Don’t let the naysayers get you down. I don’t know why, but this is an area
where people feel very free to tell you exactly what you’re doing wrong. It’s bizarre
to me. Nobody would dream of telling you how to discipline your children, right?
I think the problem of the naysayers has a deeper level, too. If you potty train
your kid successfully, then the people who said you couldn’t do it look like lame-os.
And you’ve just kicked their parenting advice to the mat. In other words, they
have an emotional investment in your failure. So be wary of well-meaning friends
who tell you that your child is too young. Or that you are doing it wrong. Or that
