Oh Crap! Potty Training

This is a good one. You have the kid you have, not necessarily the kid
you want. You cannot change your zebra’s stripes. This is hard for us
to admit and hard to remember. We all want the well-behaved,
loving, courteous child. But we got what we got. And no matter what,
our love is fierce. While you are potty training, be careful not to
linger in the “I wish he . . .” fantasy world. Deal with the kid and the
problems you have. Your fantasies are irrelevant. Wishing your child
would be different doesn’t serve anyone. There’s a lot of “nature” in
this here “nurture.” The goal is always to work with your child’s
strengths. While working with a client, I never try to “fix” a
perceived weakness. We build on what your kid inherently has.
There’s another aspect to making sure you’re potty training “the
kid you have.” If your child has a particular “problem” before you
start potty training—say he’s whiny, or she’s resistant, or he’s prone
to histrionics and tantrums—you are going to have that same kid and
the same problem while you are potty training. That’s not a
judgment. All these behaviors are normal, and there’s not a single
one I have not seen. The behavior isn’t the real issue, in fact. The
real problem is when parents somehow convince themselves that
potty training is going to happen in a bubble, that all the other
behavior your child typically exhibits is somehow going to disappear
while you are potty training. Not only will it still be there—it may
even get magnified for a short time. Again, it’s all good. Just keep
your expectations level.

Pants, Clothing, and Independence