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I am not a teacher, but an awakener.
Robert Frost

I wanted to write this book many years before I began it.

Originally, I wanted to write a book about codependency because when I was in so much pain with my codependency, I
couldn't find a book that explained what had happened. I wanted to write a book for other hurting people that would
explain codependency, help them understand, and ease their pain.-

That motive got squelched when I was "beaten to the punch." Other people began writing about codependency. Also,
some literature had been available; I just hadn't found it.

Later, my motive for writing this book changed. I not only wanted to ease other people's pain; I wanted to redeem my
suffering. It was a bargain I was trying to strike on my somewhat extended path to acceptance: If I write a book about
this, then that part of my life won't be such a loss.

That motive was squelched too. Before I wrote the book, I accepted what had happened to me. It was okay, whether I did
or didn't write about it. I also realized I had gained more than I had lost. Through my experience with codependency, I
found my self. Everything from our

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pasts has prepared and propelled us to this moment; today prepares us for tomorrow. And it all works out for the good.
Nothing's wasted.

By the time I actually sat down to write this book, my motive was about the same as it had been originally. I wanted to
write something that would help codependent people, and I thought I had a few worthwhile ideas to pass along. However,
this book is just an opinion, and my thoughts and ideas are just thatthoughts and ideas. To illustrate this point, let me
quote Garrison Keillor. He was discussing fiction, but his statement applies to nonfiction, self-help books, as well:

"It's tough to tell the truth especially when... we're not absolutely sure of the truth. You're looking for the truth, and you
are just putting out some markers." 1

I hope this book has marked some truth for you. I hope I have helped awaken you to your self.

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NOTES

Introduction

1. Janet Geringer Woititz, "Co-Dependency: The Insidious Invader of Intimacy," in Co-Dependency, An Emerging Issue
   (Hollywood, FL Health Communications, 1984), 59.


2. Toby Rice Drews, Getting Them Sober (South Plainfield, NJ: Bridge Publishing, 1980), vol. 1, xv.

Chapter 3

1. Paraphrase based on a quote by Joan Wexler and John Steidll (teachers of psychiatric social work at Yale University),
   quoted by Colette Dowling, The Cinderella Complex: Women's Hidden Fear of Independence (New York: Pocket Books,
   1981), 145.


2. Robert Subby, "Inside the Chemically Dependent Marriage: Denial and Manipulation," in Co-Dependency, An
   Emerging Issue (Hollywood, FL Health Communications, 1984), 26.