cover

· be ashamed about family, personal, or relationship problems.

· be confused about the nature of the problem.

· cover up, lie, and protect the problem.

· not seek help because they tell themselves the problem isn't bad enough, or they aren't important enough.

· wonder why the problem doesn't go away.

Progressive

In the later stages of codependency, codependents may:

· feel lethargic.

· feel depressed.

· become withdrawn and isolated.

· experience a complete loss of daily routine and structure.

· abuse or neglect their children and other responsibilities.

· feel hopeless.

· begin to plan their escape from a relationship they feel trapped in.

· think about suicide.

· become violent.

· become seriously emotionally, mentally, or physically ill.

· experience an eating disorder (over- or undereating).

· become addicted to alcohol and other drugs.

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Page 53

The preceding checklist is long but not all-inclusive. Like other people, codependents do, feel, and think many things.
There are not a certain number of traits that guarantees whether a person is or isn't codependent. Each person is different;
each person has his or her way of doing things. I'm just trying to paint a picture. The interpretation, or decision, is up to
you. What's most important is that you first identify behaviors or areas that cause you problems, and then decide what
you want to do.

At the end of Chapter Three, I asked you to define codependency. As Earnie Larsen says, if you defined your problem as,
''living with an alcoholic,'' you may think not living with an alcoholic is the solution to your problem. That may be
partially correct. But our real problems as codependents are our own characteristicsour codependent behaviors.

Who's codependent? I am.

An estimated 80 million people are chemically dependent or in a relationship with someone who is. 2 They are probably
codependent.

People who love, care about, or work with troubled people may be codependent.