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We can feel our feelings, talk about our fears, accept ourselves and our present conditions, and then get started on the
journey toward undependence. We can do it. We don't have to feel strong all the time to be undependent and taking care
of ourselves. We can and probably will have feelings of fear, weakness, and even hopelessness. That is normal and even
healthy. Real power comes from feeling our feelings, not from ignoring them. Real strength comes, not from pretending
to be strong all the time, but from acknowledging our weaknesses and vulnerabilities when we feel this way.

Many of us have dark nights. Many of us have uncertainty, loneliness, and the pang of needs and wants that beg to be
met and yet go seemingly unnoticed. Sometimes the way is foggy and slippery, and we have no hope. All we can feel is
fear. All we can see is the dark. I was driving one night in weather like this. I don't like driving, and I particularly don't
like driving in bad weather. I was stiff and frightened at the wheel. I could barely see; the headlights were only
illuminating a few feet of the road. I was almost blind. I started to panic. Anything could happen! Then, a calming
thought entered my mind. The path was only lit for a few feet, but each time I progressed those few feet, a new section
was lit. It didn't matter that I couldn't see far ahead. If I relaxed, I could see as far as I needed for the moment. The
situation wasn't ideal, but I could get through it if I stayed calm and worked with what was available.

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You can get through dark situations, too. You can take care of yourself and trust yourself. Trust God. Go as far as you
can see, and by the time you get there, you'll be able to see farther.

It's called One Day at a Time.

Activity

1. Examine the following characteristics, and decide if you are in a dependent (addicted) or healthy (love) relationship:

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CHARACTERISTICS

LOVE ADDICTION

(OPEN SYSTEM) (CLOSED SYSTEM)

Room to grow,
expand; desire for Dependent, based on security and

other to grow. comfort; use intensity of need and

infatuation as proof of love (may

really be fear, insecurity, loneliness).

Separate interests;
other friends; Total involvement; limited social

maintain other
meaningful
relationships. life; neglect old friends, interests.

Encouragement of
each other's ex-
panding; secure in
own worth.

Preoccupation with other's behavior; dependent on

other's approval for own identity and self- worth.

Trust; openness. Jealousy, possessiveness, fears