Page 143thought would rip the top of my head off. But it worked. I experienced my first days and months of sobriety. Then, it
came time to leave treatment. I was faced with the unlikely prospect of trying to fit myself into society. I had no resume;
it can be difficult for a heroin addict to find and maintain gainful employment. I had to discontinue my relationships with
everyone I knew who used chemicals, which was everyone I knew. My family was skeptical about my recovery and still
understandably peeved about some of the things I had done. Generally, I had left a trail of destruction and chaos behind
me, and I didn't think there was any place in society for me. My life stretched ahead of me, and it held little promise. At
the same time, my counselor was telling me to go ahead and start living. Again, I asked her exactly how I should do that.
Again, she and others replied: "Keep dealing with your feelings. Go to A.A. And everything will be okay."
It sounded a bit simplistic to me, but I didn't have much choice. Amazingly, and thanks to the help of a Higher Power,
it's worked so far. I got into deep water with my codependency when I thought myself too sophisticated to deal with
feelings. The moral of this story is that dealing with feelings and going to A.A. can help us recover from chemical
dependency. But it goes beyond that, and it answers the question I asked earlier, "How important are feelings?"
Feelings are not the end all and be all to living. Feelings must not dictate or control our behaviors, but we can't ignore
our feelings either. They won't be ignored.
Our feelings are very important. They count. They matter. The emotional part of us is special. If we make feelings go
away, if we push them away, we lose an important part of us and our lives. Feelings are our source of joy, as well as
sadness, fear, and anger. The emotional part of us is the part that laughs as well as cries. The emotional part of us is the
center for giving and receiving the warm glow of love. That part of us lets us feel close to people. That part of us lets us
enjoy touch and other sensual feelings.
Our feelings are also indicators. When we feel happy, comfortable, warm, and content, we usually know all is well in our
world, for the
page_143Page 144present moment. When we feel uncomfortable with anger, fear, or sadness, our feelings are telling us there's a problem.
The problem may be inside ussomething we're doing or thinkingor it may be external. But something is going wrong.
Feelings can be positive motivators too. Anger can motivate us to solve a bothersome problem. Fear encourages us to run
from danger. Repeated hurt and emotional pain tell us to stay away.
Our feelings can also provide us with clues to ourselves: our desires, wants, and ambitions. They help us discover
ourselves, what we are really thinking. Our emotions also tap into that deep part of us that seeks and knows truth, and
desires self-preservation, self-enhancement, safety, and goodness. Our emotions are connected to our conscious,
cognitive thought process and to that mysterious gift called instinct or intuition.
There is, however, a darker side to emotions. Emotional pain hurts. It can hurt so badly we think all we are or ever will
be is our emotional part. Pain and sadness can linger. Fear can be a stopper; it can prevent us from doing the things we
want and need to do to live our lives.
Sometimes we can get stuck in emotionstrapped in a well of a certain dark feelingand think we'll never get out. Anger
can fester into resentments and bitterness and threaten to linger indefinitely. Sadness can turn into depression, almost
smothering us. Some of us live with fear for long periods of time.
Our feelings can trick us too. Our emotions can lead us into situations where our heads tell us not to go. Sometimes
feelings are like cotton candy; they appear to be more than they actually are.
In spite of the darker side of emotionsthe painful ones, the ones that linger, and the tricky onesthere is an even bleaker
picture if we choose to become unemotional. Not feeling our feelings, withdrawing emotionally, and pushing that part of
us away can be unpleasant, unhealthy, and self-destructive.
Repressing or denying feelings can lead to headaches, stomach disorders, backaches, and generally weakened physical
conditions which can open the door to many illnesses. Repressing feelings-particularly if we are doing it during the