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her right mind would be that steamed. An excellent quote from Marriage on the Rocks follows:

"You cannot live with active alcoholism without being profoundly affected. Any human being who is bombarded with
what you've been bombarded with is to be commended for sheer survival. You deserve a medal for the mere fact that
you're around to tell the story." 8

Anger is one profound effect of alcoholism. It is also an effect of many of the other compulsive disorders or problems
codependents find themselves living with.

Even if we're not living with a serious problem or seriously ill person, it is still okay to feel anger when it occurs. Anger
is one of the many profound effects life has on us. It's one of our emotions. And we're going to feel it when it comes our
wayor else repress it. "I don't trust people who never get mad. People either get mad, or get even," says my friend Sharon
George, who is a professional in the mental health field.

We have every right to feel anger. We have every right to feel as angry as we feel. So do other people. But we also have
a responsibilityprimarily to ourselvesto deal with our anger appropriately.

We're back to our original advice: Deal with our feelings. How do we deal with an emotion as potent as anger? How do
we quit feeling that angry? When does it happen? Where does it go? Who can we talk to? Who would want to listen to
all that? We probably don't even want to hear it ourselves. After all, the person we're mad at does have a disease. So
shouldn't we be feeling compassion and all that good stuff? Is it really all right to be this mad at a sick person?

Yes, we have the right to be mad at a sick person. We didn't ask for the problem. Although the ideal feeling is
compassion, we probably won't feel this until we deal with our anger. Somewhere between homicidal rage and biting our
tongue because we feel sorry for that sick person is a way to get past our angry feelingsthe old ones and the new ones.
But I don't believe dealing with repressed emotions will happen overnight. It may not happen in a month or even a year.
How long did it take us to get this angry? Dealing with a significant amount of repressed anger may take time and effort.
Dealing with new anger takes practice.

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Here are some suggestions for dealing with anger:

· Address any myths we have subscribed to about anger. Give ourselves permission to feel angry when we need to. Give

other people permission to feel angry too.

· Feel the emotion. Even though it's anger, it's only emotional energy. It is not right or wrong; it calls for no judgment.

Anger doesn't have to be justified or rationalized. If the energy is there, feel it. Feel any underlying emotions too, such as

hurt or fear.

· Acknowledge the thoughts that accompany the feeling. Preferably, say these thoughts aloud.

· Examine the thinking that goes with the feeling. Hold it up to the light. See if there are any flaws in it. Watch for

patterns and repetitive situations. We'll learn much about ourselves and our environment. Often, recovering alcoholics

develop rancid thought patterns, known as stinking thinking, that can indicate the desire to start drinking again.

· Make a responsible decision about what, if any, action we need to take. Figure out what our anger is telling us. Is our

anger indicating a problem in us or in our environment that needs attention? Sometimes while we're asking God to help

us stop feeling angry, He's trying to tell us something. Do we need change? Do we need something from somebody else?

Much anger comes from unmet needs. One quick way to resolve anger is to stop screaming at the person we're angry

with, figure out what we need from that person, and ask him or her for that. If he or she won't or can't give it to us,

figure out what we need to do next to take care of ourselves.