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perfect. We can just be who we are. We can make mistakes in our choices. We're not so fragile we can't handle making a
mistake. It's no big deal! It's part of living. We can learn from our mistakes, or we can simply make another decision. The
following quotation discusses decisiveness in the corporate world, but I believe it applies to other areas of life too.

"If you make a decision, you'll become a hero within the corporate culture. If 30 percent of your decisions are right,
you're going to be a big hitter." 2

We can even change our minds. Then change them again. Then again. Codependents vacillate.3 As codependents, we are
in the midst of

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upsetting situations. We may go back and forth a lot; we may throw the alcoholic out, then take him or her back. We
may leave, then come back, then leave again. This is how we get to where we're going. It's okay. Let's take it one step
furtherit's normal and often necessary.

"But," a codependent may object, "you don't know my mind. Sometimes I think terrible thoughts. Sometimes I have
unspeakable fantasies." We all do, and it's normal, especially if we're living with an alcoholic. We may have attended an
alcoholic spouse's funeral 100 times in our minds. Our thoughts are keys to our feelings. Our feelings are keys to our
thoughts. We don't have to repress. We need to let the thoughts and feelings pass through, then figure out what we need
to do to take care of ourselves.

The following suggestions may help us gain confidence in our mental abilities:

·Treat our minds to some peace. Detach. Get calm. If we're facing a decision, big or small, get peaceful first, then

decide. Wait until our minds are consistent. If we absolutely can't make a decision on a particular day, then it's obviously

not time to make that decision. When it is time, we'll be able to do it. And do it well.

·Ask God to help us think. Every morning, I ask Him to give me the right thought, word, or action. I ask Him to send

His inspiration and guidance. I ask Him to help me solve my problems. 4 I believe He does help. I know He does. But

He expects me to do my part and think. Some days go better than others.

·Quit abusing our minds. Worry and obsession constitute mental abuse. Stop doing those things.

·Feed our minds. Give our minds information. Get the information we need about problems and decisions, whether that

problem is overeating, alcoholism, relationships, or how to buy a computer. Give our minds a reasonable amount of data,

then let them sort through things. We will come up with good answers and solutions.

·Feed our minds healthy thoughts. Indulge in activities that uplift our thoughts and give us a positive charge. Read a

meditation book every

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morning. Find something that leaves us saying "I can," instead of "I can't."

·Stretch our minds. Many of us become so concerned about our problems and other people's problems that we stop

reading newspapers, watching documentaries, reading books, and learning new things. Get interested in the world around

us. Learn something new. Take a class.

·Quit saying bad things about our minds. Stop telling ourselves things like, "I'm stupid," "I can't make good decisions,"

"I'm really not very smart,'' "I've never been good at figuring things out,'' or "I'm not very good at decisions." It's just as

easy to say good things about ourselves as it is to say negative things. And, we'll probably start believing the positive

things and find out they're true. Isn't that exciting?

·Use our minds. Make decisions. Formulate opinions. Express them. Create! Think things through, but don't worry and

obsess. We don't have to let anyone make our decisions for us, unless we're wards of the state. And even if we are, we